Four Times the Doctor Remembered Rose Tyler
by mariontyler
Summary: ... and one time he didn't have to. The Doctor's thoughts when he mentions Rose and when he gets her back. Multi - chapter.
1. Smith and Jones

**Do you know that small handful of times that the Doctor mentioned Rose after he lost her the first time? Haven't you ever wondered exactly what the Doctor was thinking when he said it? Well, I don't know about you, but I did. So here's my take on it. Obviously, there will only be five chapters. So enjoy and leave a review as you go!**

"It's bigger on the inside," The Doctor mouthed it along with Martha. He always loved that part.

"Is it? I hadn't noticed," He commented sarcastically. He shrugged off his coat and flung it over a coral strut. "Alright, then! Let's get going!" He jumped up to the console and fiddled with the controls.

"But, is there a crew? Like a navigator and stuff?" Martha asked as she followed him up. "Where is everyone?"

The Doctor felt a sudden pang in his chest. "Just me," He replied, attempting to look occupied with the console.

She continued to look around in awe as she asked, "All on your own?" He could detect the slightest bit of sympathy in her voice.

"Well, sometimes I have guests. I mean, friends traveling alongside me." Martha was right next to him now. I had - it was recently," he began. He felt uncomfortable talking to someone who was practically a stranger about this, but Martha had been sending some pretty clear signals already that she was interested in him. And the genetic transfer didn't help any. He didn't think that he could handle something like that so recently after… "a friend of mine," he finished quickly.

"Rose. Her name was. Rose." He finally looked up at Martha and saw the curiosity in her eyes. "And…" He averted his eyes to the controls and spat a lie out that he only wished had been true. "We were together. Anyway!"

He pulled the monitor over to him and hoped that Martha wouldn't touch anymore on the subject. "Where is she now?" She asked. There was an odd tone to her voice when she asked. Something that he couldn't quite put his finger on, but he knew it was there.

"With her family. She's happy. She's fine." The Doctor wasn't sure whether the assurances were more for her or for him. He knew that, truly, Rose was perfectly fine, but it burned him that he couldn't be there with her right now to make sure of that fact for himself. "She's…"

A thought suddenly came to the Doctor. "Not that you're replacing her!" He pointed at Martha. Of course she wouldn't replace Rose. No one could.

"Never said I was." Martha replied with slight amusement at the fact that he thought she might.

"Just one trip to say thanks. Just one trip, then back home!" He said a little harshly. Maybe too harshly by the look on her face. He watched as she took it in with a nod of her head and a set jaw. "I'd rather be on my own."

It probably wasn't fair to Martha, but he couldn't bring himself to care at the moment. He wanted Rose back. She was his best friend. He cared for her. He loved her. How could anyone expect that he'd want anything else?

And that's when Martha came around the console and reminded him of something he'd rather never be brought up again. "But you're the one that kissed me."

"That," He glared at her. "Was a genetic transfer." He moved farther away from her, trying to get some distance, but, boy, if she wasn't persistent.

"And if you will wear a tight suit." She continued with wide eyes, as she followed him around.

He even further away. "Now, don't!"

She didn't stop however. "And then travel all across the universe just to ask me on a date." She prodded.

He was fed up now. Wasn't he sending a clear enough message? He didn't see her that way. He thought that telling her that he and Rose were together would've been enough, but apparently, he was mistaken. "Stop it!" He said firmly.

She was still smiling. "For the record, I'm not remotely interested." Ah, so she had just been messing with him. Or so he hoped. "I only go for humans." She finished.

He gave the tiniest smile of relief then and nodded his head as a sign of consent. "Good." Then, to change the subject, he very abruptly said. "Now, then! Close down the gravitic anomalizer! Fire up the helmic regulator! And finally," He paused for effect. He loved showing off to new companions. Although, of course, Martha wasn't a companion. This would only be a "thank-you trip". He finished, "The hand-brake."

He grabbed the lever that would finish the sequence. "Ready?" He asked her.

She grinned and shook her head. "No."

"Off we go!" And he swung the lever down.

 **What do you think? Did I keep him in character or was it too weird? Let me know what you think by dropping a review on the way out! I love you all.**


	2. The Shakespeare Code

**Tada! Second chapter! Let me know what you think of this one.**

"Budge up a bit, then," Martha said and the Doctor scooted farther to the left of the small bed. Martha moved more on the bed, lined up next to him. "Sorry. Not much room. Us two here, same bed. Tongues will wag."

He knew what she was insinuating, but he decided to ignore it. He cut her off before she could go any further. "There's such a thing as psychic energy, but a human couldn't channel it like that, not without a generator the size of Taunton and I would've spotted that. No."

He turned on his side to face Martha. She looked down at him. "There's something I'm missing, Martha." She mimicked his action and turned on her side as well. "Something really close, staring me right in the face, and I can't see it," he whispered. He stared into her eyes as she did the same to him.

What was it that he was missing? Whatever it was, he was overlooking it and something bad was going to happen if he didn't figure it out and soon. Where could it possibly be hiding? "Rose would know," he said suddenly as he looked away.

He hadn't meant to say it, as it hurt to remember that she was not with him now. But he couldn't help but think that it was true. "That friend of mine – Rose. Right now, she'd say exactly the right thing." And of course she would. She was brilliant. But she was gone. He needed her so much and she wasn't here. Why wasn't she here?

His eyes flicked back to Martha's for a moment. In her eyes, he could tell that she was uncomfortable. He decided now was the time for a change of subject. "Still!" He exclaimed rather loudly and abruptly. He flipped over to lay on his back, staring at the ceiling. "Can't be helped. You're a novice, never mind." He knew that he practically insulted her, but it didn't matter. She wasn't going to stay for long. "Take you back hometomorrow." He added.

She didn't seem too pleased at that as she sarcastically exclaimed, saying, "Great!" Martha rolled over and blew out the candle with a puff.

They laid in silence for several minutes until the Doctor could hear her snoring. He wasn't tired in the least, so he used this time of silence to think. He knew that he wasn't treating Martha very well. She was brilliant, but she wasn't as good as she could be. She concentrated too much on the unimportant things. And the most prominent thing was that she kept flirting with him even when he thought that he couldn't have been more obvious with telling her off.

Rose wasn't like that. She didn't chase him or corner him. She didn't even tell him how she felt until the literally very last minute. And he wished that he could've finished what he was going to say. She deserved to know. He felt such a fool for not telling her earlier. He was always thinking that it was for the best. He was just going to lose her anyway, he always told himself. But he couldn't have been more unprepared for her loss. He should've told her and now it was too late. They never got to enjoy a life together like that.

He admonished himself in his mind for thinking of Rose again. It was only causing him grief; he was just poking the sore because it was there and he couldn't help it. This wound was so raw and it throbbed and ached. But still he wouldn't give it up for the world. Any world. This pain was because he had lost something precious. Which meant that he had something precious at all. And that was worth so much more than any medicine can give.

 **I was wondering if this chapter was too similar to the last one. I want each of these to be different and certainly not monotonous. If it does sound monotonous, let me know and I'll try to stop those little things that I do.**

 **Do you think that the way he thought of her was believable? As the author, I'm not totally aware when I've messed up the character. And that's what you guys are for! So tell me what you think of it all. It helps build my skills (or my ego). I love you all!**


	3. The Doctor's Daughter

**Halfway through! I know that this is two chapters in one day, but I'm so bored. I hope you guys appreciate my boredom. Seeing as it gets you extra chapters. This one is really short, but the next ones will be longer. Let me know what you think!**

The Doctor gazed at the blonde girl laying on the table. Her hearts had stopped beating several minutes ago, killed by a man who dared to kill. He told the inhabitants of this world that this new civilization that they would build was to have the foundation of a man that never would. And he meant it.

He was vaguely aware that the other people surrounding the body were still conversing, but he wasn't listening to them. He was drawing in the image of his daughter. He had just gotten the hope that he wasn't alone in the universe; that he wasn't the only Time Lord left. He was wrong. Not only was she just stripped away from him, but she wasn't even a full Gallifreyan. She hadn't regenerated.

The Doctor drank in the picture of her face. He gave a little chuckle, although he didn't find anything humorous. She even looks like Rose, he thought. And she did. She had that blonde hair that matched Rose's when he first met her. She had those bright and smiling eyes and Rose's wide, happy grin. She had that love for adventure and running that only a special few possess.

He knew it was completely impossible, of course Jenny didn't look like Rose. It was just his imagination; he wanted to believe she resembled her, but she really didn't. She couldn't have. But, still…he would always grasp on to any memory of Rose. Even if it was just a dream.

 **So thar ya be. Har har har. I feel pirate-y tonight. I blame this on Tom and Jerry for various reasons. Drop a review on the way out. They help me know when my writing's bad or good. I love help!**


	4. Silence in the Library

**I loved this two-parter. Just sayin.**

The Doctor looked ahead in utter shock as he tried to process what he'd just heard. River Song pulled back and looked at him. "Are we good?" she whispered. He stared at her, not wanting to believe her. "Doctor…Are we good?" she repeated.

He hesitated a few more moments before answering. "Yeah." he said in a voice barely above a whisper and then, more strongly, said, "Yeah, we're good."

Professor Song seemed to accept this and gave a little nod. "Good." She took the screwdriver, of which she supposedly got from him, and walked away. The Doctor stared after as she did so.

She whispered his name. His real name. There's only ever one reason why he'd tell anyone that. It meant she was his…He couldn't even bring himself to think it. He'd only just met this woman and now she tells him that they were together?

There were so many questions swimming around in the Doctor's mind. When does this happen? When does he meet her? Where does he meet her? But the most prominent question had more to do with someone other than Professor Song, although it didn't seem to.

The question was: Why? Why did he allow himself to have a relationship with someone like that? With someoneelse. And how could he have? He thought that he had cared enough for Rose not to. He had caused Martha to resent him because of what he seemingly felt for Rose. Why wasn't that important enough for this archeologist?

He felt like he'd betrayed Rose. She'd loved him; she told him so herself. And he was about to say the same to her. He was so sure of what his emotions had told him. And all the pain he went through after she'd gone. Wasn't that enough?

What could Professor Song possibly do to gain his affections when he'd already given them to another? Why was she so special? How could the Doctor love her?

But he couldn't do this right now. He couldn't ponder on these when the lives of these tiny humans were in his hands. This was something he needed to leave to the future.

 **Don't get me wrong. I love River as a character, but the Doctor and her together? Huh uh. Sorry to those who love them together. This was the second to last chapter. Just one to go. Thanks to those who stuck with this. Let me know what you think. Was the Doctor's reaction to River's news believable? Review and let me know!**


	5. Stolen Earth

**I'll skip those boring old author's notes and get straight to the story.**

The Doctor stepped out of the Tardis and into a deserted London street. Donna followed him out and the door swung shut behind her. The Doctor looked around and took in the sight. Cars were wrecked and strewn all over the road. Not a soul was in sight.

"It's like a ghost town." His companion said from behind him.

"Sarah Jane said they were taking the people, but what for?" What would the Daleks need the humans for? "Think, Donna. When you met Rose in that parallel world, what did she say?" He asked.

Donna looked as if she were in deep concentration. "Just, the darkness is coming."

There had to be more than that. "Anything else?" He needed to know absolutely everything. Each scrap of information was vital.

She opened her mouth to reply, but something over his shoulder seemed to catch her eye. "Why don't you ask her yourself?" She answered instead.

Well, what was that supposed to mean? Donna gave a little smile and looked pointedly over his shoulder.

He turned around, wondering what could have captured her attention. Then he saw it. He saw her.

Rose…

It was her. He was looking right at her. She was carrying a huge gun and walking slowly towards them. Even from a distance he could see her beautiful face grow into a grin that would split her face.

He turned a little more and memories flashed through his head. Rose laughing, Rose smiling, Rose running. He remembered the feel of her soft hand gripping his like she never wished to let go. He remembered hugging the life out of her and the shivers that she gave him whenever she gave him that grin that was just so Rose.

Then he remembered everything that happened after the universe so cruelly ripped her from him. All the pain and emptiness he felt. How lost he was.

But it all just melted away and, before he knew it, he took a step…and then another. And then, he was running. Oh, was he running. His whole existence he had been running. Running for his life and from it. But now, now he was running to it.

And she was running to him. His lungs were burning and his legs were aching. He didn't care. He just couldn't wait to hold her again.

Then everything happened so fast. Rose stopped and the Doctor was bemused. Then he heard an angry, metal voice cry out, "Exterminate!" He hadn't seen it and that may have been his final mistake. He'd been too focused on reuniting with Rose to acknowledge anything else.

The Dalek shot. An electric pain blew through his body and he fell to the ground.

 **So that ended really abruptly. But if I'd gone any farther, I never would've ended. Was it too weird? Was the emotional gauge too high, is basically what I'm asking. I'm not quite sure how I feel about my writing on this chapter, so let me know in a review. I'll try to Fox anything that seems too out of character. Drop a review on the way out!**


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